Wednesday, February 13, 2008

How to crash a Republican party

Currently, I've been working on contract in Alexandria, Virginia. Being the political hack that I am, I tuned into CNN while Tuesday Feb. 12th Potomac Primary votes were coming in. Then I saw that Republican Presidential candidate, Senator John McCain, was having a rally at a hotel only 10 minutes away from my hotel. I thought, "Why the heck not?"

So here's how to crash a political "party" event (in case you were wondering):

0. Remove the Obama button you were wearing earlier.

1. Upon entering the hotel, find out if they have a bar. Then watch whether other folks are actually paying for drinks. If not, then it's another bonus. Regardless, always leave a $1 tip for the barkeep to show you're not a moocher (although you are). Get a beer.

2. With beer in hand, walk over to one of the campaign tables, and get that campaign sticker slapped on your chest. Get a button too. Show that you are a "true" supporter.

3. Drink beer. Get another beer.

4. Eat some shrimp. Have people stare at you because you look out of place, BUT you have that sticker, so don't fret, you're okay. Be cool.

5. So then walk into the ballroom and take pictures to show you're really excited to be there.

6. Look like you're a mover and a shaker. Pull out your cell phone and call friends and family back home to tell them where you are and to look for you on CNN.

7. Drink beer. Get another beer.

8. Eat some shrimp.

9. Have a guy ask you what the results are and say, "We won all three primaries!" Notice the "We" part? Again, that shows you're a "true" supporter. Now you're really in.

10. Mosey your way into the crowd in front of the TV cameras. Take pictures. Continue drinking beer, because really, it's all about the free beer.

11. Candidate comes on stage. Whistle and cheer. Take pictures.

12. Tell someone that's talking during to speech to "ssshhh", because you want to hear what he has to say. Get approving glances from others. Now you're really one of them.

13. When speech is over, get a good close up shot of the candidate.

14. Go back stage where close supporters stood prior to the speech and grab the tape marker off the floor bearing the candidate's name.

15. Go to the podium where the candidate just spoke and get a photo of yourself taken by some guy who was there because his Chicago flight was delayed at the Reagan National Airport. Take a picture of him too.

16. Go to the hotel bar with said guy, befriend others, and then show how much more a Canadian knows about American politics and health care than they do.

17. Get them to buy you beers.

18. Watch a CNN reporter on TV from the ballroom and say, "Hey, we were just there!"


Kacey Jo said...

Priceless, my Canadian friend, simply priceless...

Just don't forget perhaps the most important step:

19. Remove McCain sticker, crumble into a ball, throw far far away, and wash shirt thoroughly.


Holy said... killa me, lil bro.

Speaking of Republicans, I think I'm friends with one but never realized it....egads.

Oh well, dems the breaks.